5 Office Jargon Icons and What They Actually Mean.

Hold on there buddy, now I know you have been in the weeds with this deliverable but lets not boil the ocean, because our North Star hasn’t changed. Anyways I am really excited that you are taking on this opportunity with such gusto and allow me and the rest of the team to take a breather and let you shoot your shot. Let me know if you have any questions and be sure to pip me if anything comes up, and also don’t try and recreate the wheel here, and if possible look to create some efficiencies for the team, okay?

What the heck was that last paragraph? Well that my friend was the best office jargon nonsense I could come up with on a moments notice (pretty good, huh?). Modern corporate “isms” are holdovers from 1980’s yuppie office speak mixed with an infusion of modern P.C culture. Basically the longer you stay in corporate America (or any first world country corporate setting), the better you become at communicating commands without actually saying anything that could even be remote misinterpreted as being mean. Anyways here are a few terms that you may come across at the office.

“Pound Sand”. This one basically means “go fuck off over there and do this pointless task”. Meant to give the lackey the visual of a drab office worker punch sand with his fist in order to accomplish something. The task itself is always boring and lengthy just as punching the ground in the Sahara desert would be.

“Boil the Ocean” Kind of the same thing as Pounding Sand in it’s futility but instead of being an actual command it is a stopper command that tells the nitwit employee that they need to use less detail. The visual here is again pretty self explanatory since trying to boil a literal ocean is a waste of time.

“Shoot Your Shot” This is more of a recruiter term, and definitely one you’ll see on the cesspool that is your LinkedIn feed. In a non recruiter terminology it means that you’re the one who will be doing all the work and will get pooped on when it doesn’t go as expected.

“In The Weeds” Pretty common expression, in fact it is the most common office lingo I have come across. Basically meaning that you’re going to have to do all the actual work while everyone else gets to sit on their asses because you are the only one who is “in the weeds” enough to do anything.

“Our North Star Hasn’t Changed” Probably a personal favorite of mine, the direction here is simple, your boss is saying that the overarching theme of the project is the same, but the visual here is ridiculous. “Why are we talking about stars, I thought we were doing a TPS report?” Clearly management is trying to make astronomers out of the staff.

There you go now you are already to understand maybe 5% of the office speak that you will inevitably hear on a daily basis. But with patience, perseverance and a little gusto you to can speak like your boss and his boss.

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